Man – I – Fest – Oh!!!

Strange but true… The fear of facing the elections has reached the peak. Like literally being pushed into a house of vampires with a lab report in your hand which states that your hemoglobin content is above normal!

There are two theories to an election vote out.

1)“Theory of familiarity” – I’ve given adequate explanation in one of my posts. It culminates as the general mass feeling.

Looks like this party is going to win, so let’s vote for them!

2)“Let’s love the lost law” – as I call it, is the weirdest but the most interesting law that prevails in the minds of the voters.

We’ve given THESE guys a chance in the previous elections, let’s give THOSE guys a chance now… Come on!

If you sit back and think (please do it atleast now, because we never do it before the elections).. All these years, over 60% of the people have been doing this. I know you are scratching your head now, but it really doesn’t matter because scratching it inside rather than outside is what is required. Now that we intend to scratch it at the right place, what’s best to decide as to which party should rule? Yes. Let’s analyse the “wackiest” (improbable?) aspects of the election manifestos.

Indian National Congress
- Maximum Possible security through unique ID cards after 2011
- Accountability of the police force will be institutionalized. (They were not accountable until date?)
- All BPL families entitled to 25 kgs of rice or wheat per month at Rs 3 per kg. (The Tamil Nadu effect!)
- Connect all villages to a broadband network in three years time (But where is the electricity?)
- Moderate goods and services tax (GST). Once GST is implemented, all other central and state-level indirect taxes such as VAT, excise duty, service tax, entertainment tax, luxury tax, etc. will stand abolished. (All the acts I studied for my CA exams are going to be scrapped?)

Bharatiya Janata Party
- National ID card to be issued and it will be made forgery and hacking resistant. (BJP cards better than INC cards!)
- All BPL families to get 35 kg of rice or wheat every month at Rs 2 per kg. (BJP rice cheaper and more quantity than INC rice!)
- Exempt personal Income Tax for those earning up to Rs. 3 lakhs per annum. For women and Senior Citizens, the exemption will be Rs 3.5 lakh per annum. (That’s greater delight. Empty treasuries!)
- Scrap Fringe Benefit Tax (Anti-Chidambaram!)
- Abolish CST and fix a ceiling of 12-14 percent on GST. (BJP knows the rates of GST too…!)
- Identify and retrieve Indian money stashed away in foreign banks. (The great swiss bank robbery?)
- Fencing of the India-Bangladesh border (Barbed wires or electric fences?)
- Construct Ram temple, New route for Ram-Sethu, Clean river ganga, cow protection as a mark of faith. (Mmmm… Sorry I don’t want to comment and get converted, married or even killed – the saffron way!)
- Removal of Article 370 (Kashmir is mine rule!)

Third Front
- Demand that Indian Parliament has minimum 100 day sittings in a year. (Shows how we insult the parliament or is the minimum parliamentary wage rule?)
- Complete restoration of Article 370 (Kashmir is not really mine rule!)
- Resist carbon trading and insists on global emissions cuts on the basis of equitable per-capita entitlements. (We resist any form of foreign mechanism)
- Uphold federal structures and ensure that states get reasonable shares from Central funds (How generous, what does centre do with all the money?)
- Demand the accountability of the judiciary and police reforms (they were never accountable?)
- “Immediate package” for lost jobs due to lay offs. (How is that possible?)
- Children to be given “quality free education” (free quality!)
- Equal wage for equal work scheme (they are going to measure work!)
- Strive to include children from the 0-6 age group in the right to education Bill (0 to 6 is a good age to learn)
- No to acquisition of farmers’ land for non- farming purposes particularly real estate business. (Then why would they buy or even sell?)
- Increase wealth Tax and introduce Inheritance Tax. (Funeral Tax?)

Samajwadi Party
- Ban English language from Schools and other institutions
- Remove computers from all offices
- Remove tractors in agriculture and promote usage of Bullock Carts
- Ban share Trading
- Take action against high corporate salaries
- Mall culture to be stopped

I’m not going to give sarcastic remarks. I know you’re still laughing.

Bahujan Samaj Party
I have noting to say! The 100% tainted candidature has no manifesto but has released a 32 page appeal. Yes… Trust me…

Rashtriya Janat Dal
The party president who ruled Bihar all these years has come out with a manifesto and has ensured introduction of economic schemes to bring Bihar at par with other developed states, and massive anti-corruption drive in the state to restore transparency in the system. That’s Funny Right??

I can go on and on with the state government manifestos too… I think you’ve had enough. I have analysed the facts that I have heard, but try to squeeze in some time (amidst your busy schedule!) and read the election manifestos. Every party manifesto is on an average a 30 page document with first 20 pages exhibiting the failures of the earlier government, 3 pages of blah blah, and 7 pages of promises. (that are rarely kept!)

After reading all this I have discovered the third theory. “Ask not what the party has done for you, ask what you have done for the party”. The answer for both would be a certain “NO”. Finally we would all realise that we have done nothing for the country!