Strange but true… The fear of facing the elections has reached the peak. Like literally being pushed into a house of vampires with a lab report in your hand which states that your hemoglobin content is above normal!
There are two theories to an election vote out.
1)“Theory of familiarity” – I’ve given adequate explanation in one of my posts. It culminates as the general mass feeling.
Looks like this party is going to win, so let’s vote for them!
2)“Let’s love the lost law” – as I call it, is the weirdest but the most interesting law that prevails in the minds of the voters.
We’ve given THESE guys a chance in the previous elections, let’s give THOSE guys a chance now… Come on!
If you sit back and think (please do it atleast now, because we never do it before the elections).. All these years, over 60% of the people have been doing this. I know you are scratching your head now, but it really doesn’t matter because scratching it inside rather than outside is what is required. Now that we intend to scratch it at the right place, what’s best to decide as to which party should rule? Yes. Let’s analyse the “wackiest” (improbable?) aspects of the election manifestos.
Indian National Congress
- Maximum Possible security through unique ID cards after 2011
- Accountability of the police force will be institutionalized. (They were not accountable until date?)
- All BPL families entitled to 25 kgs of rice or wheat per month at Rs 3 per kg. (The Tamil Nadu effect!)
- Connect all villages to a broadband network in three years time (But where is the electricity?)
- Moderate goods and services tax (GST). Once GST is implemented, all other central and state-level indirect taxes such as VAT, excise duty, service tax, entertainment tax, luxury tax, etc. will stand abolished. (All the acts I studied for my CA exams are going to be scrapped?)
Bharatiya Janata Party
- National ID card to be issued and it will be made forgery and hacking resistant. (BJP cards better than INC cards!)
- All BPL families to get 35 kg of rice or wheat every month at Rs 2 per kg. (BJP rice cheaper and more quantity than INC rice!)
- Exempt personal Income Tax for those earning up to Rs. 3 lakhs per annum. For women and Senior Citizens, the exemption will be Rs 3.5 lakh per annum. (That’s greater delight. Empty treasuries!)
- Scrap Fringe Benefit Tax (Anti-Chidambaram!)
- Abolish CST and fix a ceiling of 12-14 percent on GST. (BJP knows the rates of GST too…!)
- Identify and retrieve Indian money stashed away in foreign banks. (The great swiss bank robbery?)
- Fencing of the India-Bangladesh border (Barbed wires or electric fences?)
- Construct Ram temple, New route for Ram-Sethu, Clean river ganga, cow protection as a mark of faith. (Mmmm… Sorry I don’t want to comment and get converted, married or even killed – the saffron way!)
- Removal of Article 370 (Kashmir is mine rule!)
Third Front
- Demand that Indian Parliament has minimum 100 day sittings in a year. (Shows how we insult the parliament or is the minimum parliamentary wage rule?)
- Complete restoration of Article 370 (Kashmir is not really mine rule!)
- Resist carbon trading and insists on global emissions cuts on the basis of equitable per-capita entitlements. (We resist any form of foreign mechanism)
- Uphold federal structures and ensure that states get reasonable shares from Central funds (How generous, what does centre do with all the money?)
- Demand the accountability of the judiciary and police reforms (they were never accountable?)
- “Immediate package” for lost jobs due to lay offs. (How is that possible?)
- Children to be given “quality free education” (free quality!)
- Equal wage for equal work scheme (they are going to measure work!)
- Strive to include children from the 0-6 age group in the right to education Bill (0 to 6 is a good age to learn)
- No to acquisition of farmers’ land for non- farming purposes particularly real estate business. (Then why would they buy or even sell?)
- Increase wealth Tax and introduce Inheritance Tax. (Funeral Tax?)
Samajwadi Party
- Ban English language from Schools and other institutions
- Remove computers from all offices
- Remove tractors in agriculture and promote usage of Bullock Carts
- Ban share Trading
- Take action against high corporate salaries
- Mall culture to be stopped
I’m not going to give sarcastic remarks. I know you’re still laughing.
Bahujan Samaj Party
I have noting to say! The 100% tainted candidature has no manifesto but has released a 32 page appeal. Yes… Trust me…
Rashtriya Janat Dal
The party president who ruled Bihar all these years has come out with a manifesto and has ensured introduction of economic schemes to bring Bihar at par with other developed states, and massive anti-corruption drive in the state to restore transparency in the system. That’s Funny Right??
I can go on and on with the state government manifestos too… I think you’ve had enough. I have analysed the facts that I have heard, but try to squeeze in some time (amidst your busy schedule!) and read the election manifestos. Every party manifesto is on an average a 30 page document with first 20 pages exhibiting the failures of the earlier government, 3 pages of blah blah, and 7 pages of promises. (that are rarely kept!)
After reading all this I have discovered the third theory. “Ask not what the party has done for you, ask what you have done for the party”. The answer for both would be a certain “NO”. Finally we would all realise that we have done nothing for the country!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Getting into the shoes!!!
Though the reality of my making is cruel, I serve humanity. Leather is the basic raw material, but nowadays I am made of synthetic rubber, cloth and plastic too. My life span is generally lesser than that of humans, but I am getting as famous.
There are some interesting proverbs associated with me…
1)“If the shoe fits, wear it” – Simple yet exemplary. If something fits, you need to use it. But you must use me for the PURPOSE for which I am made!
2)“Old shoes are the easiest” – Another simple one. Old shoes don’t BITE. They are easy to handle and our OWNERS get used to us.
3)“Don’t throw away your own shoes till you have new ones” – Very true and generally most of them follow this. I’m sure those who THROW me would either have one already or buy one on the way with the money GIFTED for throwing me around.
4)“One shoe will not fit every foot” – If this proverb is understood well then my owners will start ASKING the size of the other before throwing. Might as well throw both.
5)“Between saying and doing, many a pair of shoes is worn out” – Leaders don’t SAY what they DO and DO what they SAY. So I get worn out and worthy enough to be thrown.
Jokes apart… Eh… Proverbs apart, let us focus on branding and marketing. These are the few words the marketing executives use:
1)This is the new USE-AND-THROW model!!
2)This one comes with SPIKES!!
3)Easy to HANDLE and highly flexible!!
4)SOLID Grip!!
5)Light weight, acts EASY on your BODY!!
6)Long LASTing!!!
The last one is the best, “You buy this one and use it well, and all eyes are on you!!”
Every great politician and leader is associated with me. Remember Abraham Lincoln? He was once asked "Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family". And the whole senate laughed; they thought they had made a fool of him. But he said “I know that my father used to make shoes in your house for your family, and there will be many other here... because the way he made shoes; nobody else can. He was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes, he poured his whole soul in it. I can also make shoes.”
Remember Mahatma Gandhi? One day as he stepped aboard a train and one of his shoes slipped and landed on the track. Unable to retrieve it, he threw the other pair close to the first one and said, “The poor man who finds the shoes lying on the track will now have a pair he can use.” Gandhi also learnt the craft of shoe-making. At the age of 63, he made a pair of sandals for Vallabhbhai Patel when they were both imprisoned at Yeravda jail. He had once presented a pair of hand made sandals to General Smuts, who had jailed him in SA. On Gandhij's 70th birthday, Gen. Smuts wrote, “I have worn them for many a summer, though I feel that I am not worthy to stand in the shoes of so great a man."
These stories of political leaders range way back to the good old days were I was used as a measure of love and affection and the “receiving end” endeavor made me feel good. Now with Bush, Chidambaram, Jindal, Advani I am at the “giving end”. The transition is painful!!!
I am called the shoe… Kindly reverse the letters “SHOE” and pronounce them, you will know why I am thrown around.
Whhoooossshhh!!!
There are some interesting proverbs associated with me…
1)“If the shoe fits, wear it” – Simple yet exemplary. If something fits, you need to use it. But you must use me for the PURPOSE for which I am made!
2)“Old shoes are the easiest” – Another simple one. Old shoes don’t BITE. They are easy to handle and our OWNERS get used to us.
3)“Don’t throw away your own shoes till you have new ones” – Very true and generally most of them follow this. I’m sure those who THROW me would either have one already or buy one on the way with the money GIFTED for throwing me around.
4)“One shoe will not fit every foot” – If this proverb is understood well then my owners will start ASKING the size of the other before throwing. Might as well throw both.
5)“Between saying and doing, many a pair of shoes is worn out” – Leaders don’t SAY what they DO and DO what they SAY. So I get worn out and worthy enough to be thrown.
Jokes apart… Eh… Proverbs apart, let us focus on branding and marketing. These are the few words the marketing executives use:
1)This is the new USE-AND-THROW model!!
2)This one comes with SPIKES!!
3)Easy to HANDLE and highly flexible!!
4)SOLID Grip!!
5)Light weight, acts EASY on your BODY!!
6)Long LASTing!!!
The last one is the best, “You buy this one and use it well, and all eyes are on you!!”
Every great politician and leader is associated with me. Remember Abraham Lincoln? He was once asked "Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family". And the whole senate laughed; they thought they had made a fool of him. But he said “I know that my father used to make shoes in your house for your family, and there will be many other here... because the way he made shoes; nobody else can. He was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes, he poured his whole soul in it. I can also make shoes.”
Remember Mahatma Gandhi? One day as he stepped aboard a train and one of his shoes slipped and landed on the track. Unable to retrieve it, he threw the other pair close to the first one and said, “The poor man who finds the shoes lying on the track will now have a pair he can use.” Gandhi also learnt the craft of shoe-making. At the age of 63, he made a pair of sandals for Vallabhbhai Patel when they were both imprisoned at Yeravda jail. He had once presented a pair of hand made sandals to General Smuts, who had jailed him in SA. On Gandhij's 70th birthday, Gen. Smuts wrote, “I have worn them for many a summer, though I feel that I am not worthy to stand in the shoes of so great a man."
These stories of political leaders range way back to the good old days were I was used as a measure of love and affection and the “receiving end” endeavor made me feel good. Now with Bush, Chidambaram, Jindal, Advani I am at the “giving end”. The transition is painful!!!
I am called the shoe… Kindly reverse the letters “SHOE” and pronounce them, you will know why I am thrown around.
Whhoooossshhh!!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Illegally Legal Vs. Legally Illegal
Anjali Waghmare… Brave advocate, appointed to defend Mr. Amir Ajmal Kasab for the 26/11 case has been currently removed citing “professional misconduct”. I’m dumbfound by some aspects of the Indian constitution and the Penal Code.
11,280 page chargesheet, 173 killed, 308 wounded, video as well as individual evidences, strong forensic reports, finally, the confession by the lone surviving terrorist himself has resulted in punishment? No..! It has resulted in the appointment of an advocate in defense.
Article 22 of the Constitution, provides that no arrested person “shall be denied the right to consult, and to be defended by, a legal practitioner of his choice”. But in our particular case we are not just allowing him to defend but providing free legal service. In an authoritative ruling the Supreme Court had ruled that the right to free legal service is a constitutional right of every accused person who is unable to engage a lawyer and secure legal service on account of reasons, such as poverty, indigence or incummunicado situation and the State is under a mandate to provide a lawyer to an accused person if the circumstances of the case and the needs of the justice so require”. I don’t know under what situation the lawyer is appointed!!!
I pity the lawyer and the basis of the defense claim. “Your honour, my client is innocent. He loves playstation, laser tag and paintball. While he was indulged in practice sessions in various parts of the city, several people gathered to watch his skill. Infact they played along with him, dodging, hiding and some attacking too. It’s very unfortunate that most of them died, I don’t know for what reason because there are no evidences that they were hit by some bullet that my opponent claims to have come from my clients toy gun”.
The honourable judge says “I appoint a special commission to assess the facts of the case and conclude if the gun used by Kasab could actually kill people or was it a toy gun”.
Call it clash of civilizations or terror attacks; it is evident that the justification is to divide the country on religious grounds. So we call the person who tries to divide the country on religious grounds as a terrorist and a rebel. Though a lawyer is appointed, death sentence is certain. (Waste of time and Mr. Chdambaram assures that the trial would be completed in 90 days!)
Now that’s what I call, “Illegally Legal!!”
If you speculate the salutation to the lone terrorist in the first line of my post, read along. The lower house of the parliament, in my words, the “house of shame”, so called due to the following reasons:
1) poor attendance record in the 14th session
2) bringing “cash” into the house,
3) Disrupted discipline (I guess, Somnath’s medical bill was up by 50%!)
After all that has happened, the election campaign is a “comedy of terrors” to me. “Comedy” because, we all know how unfit most of the candidates are. “Terror” because the 14th Lok Sabha has the maximum number of tainted candidates ever in the history of Indian Governance.
Let me not give statistics and embarrass everyone, including me. We cannot avoid tainted ministers from becoming parliamentarians. The seat sharing agreement is a well “drafted” agreement between parties! If one closely monitors the election campaign technique the candidate is carefully selected based on his/her religious base. (not to forget the Tytler withdrawal due to the Sikh background in the area in which is was to contest and ofcourse the saffron sympathy called hindutva!). The parliamentarians (so called “leaders”) themselves divide our country citing religious grounds.
Now that’s what I call, “Legally Illegal!!”
If we are ready to accept “tainted” as “sainted”, then a “rebel” is “noble” to me.
Forgive me Mr.Manmohan, Mr.Advani, Mr.Ajmal!!!
11,280 page chargesheet, 173 killed, 308 wounded, video as well as individual evidences, strong forensic reports, finally, the confession by the lone surviving terrorist himself has resulted in punishment? No..! It has resulted in the appointment of an advocate in defense.
Article 22 of the Constitution, provides that no arrested person “shall be denied the right to consult, and to be defended by, a legal practitioner of his choice”. But in our particular case we are not just allowing him to defend but providing free legal service. In an authoritative ruling the Supreme Court had ruled that the right to free legal service is a constitutional right of every accused person who is unable to engage a lawyer and secure legal service on account of reasons, such as poverty, indigence or incummunicado situation and the State is under a mandate to provide a lawyer to an accused person if the circumstances of the case and the needs of the justice so require”. I don’t know under what situation the lawyer is appointed!!!
I pity the lawyer and the basis of the defense claim. “Your honour, my client is innocent. He loves playstation, laser tag and paintball. While he was indulged in practice sessions in various parts of the city, several people gathered to watch his skill. Infact they played along with him, dodging, hiding and some attacking too. It’s very unfortunate that most of them died, I don’t know for what reason because there are no evidences that they were hit by some bullet that my opponent claims to have come from my clients toy gun”.
The honourable judge says “I appoint a special commission to assess the facts of the case and conclude if the gun used by Kasab could actually kill people or was it a toy gun”.
Call it clash of civilizations or terror attacks; it is evident that the justification is to divide the country on religious grounds. So we call the person who tries to divide the country on religious grounds as a terrorist and a rebel. Though a lawyer is appointed, death sentence is certain. (Waste of time and Mr. Chdambaram assures that the trial would be completed in 90 days!)
Now that’s what I call, “Illegally Legal!!”
If you speculate the salutation to the lone terrorist in the first line of my post, read along. The lower house of the parliament, in my words, the “house of shame”, so called due to the following reasons:
1) poor attendance record in the 14th session
2) bringing “cash” into the house,
3) Disrupted discipline (I guess, Somnath’s medical bill was up by 50%!)
After all that has happened, the election campaign is a “comedy of terrors” to me. “Comedy” because, we all know how unfit most of the candidates are. “Terror” because the 14th Lok Sabha has the maximum number of tainted candidates ever in the history of Indian Governance.
Let me not give statistics and embarrass everyone, including me. We cannot avoid tainted ministers from becoming parliamentarians. The seat sharing agreement is a well “drafted” agreement between parties! If one closely monitors the election campaign technique the candidate is carefully selected based on his/her religious base. (not to forget the Tytler withdrawal due to the Sikh background in the area in which is was to contest and ofcourse the saffron sympathy called hindutva!). The parliamentarians (so called “leaders”) themselves divide our country citing religious grounds.
Now that’s what I call, “Legally Illegal!!”
If we are ready to accept “tainted” as “sainted”, then a “rebel” is “noble” to me.
Forgive me Mr.Manmohan, Mr.Advani, Mr.Ajmal!!!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Reality Bites!!!
Yes... With more and more reality shows coming up daily, it’s becoming more of a “finger pain” for sincere viewers trying to watch every channel, fiddling with the remote and “eye strain” for people like me.
Initially it was fun to watch these reality shows, not because they are interesting but a welcome deviation from the mega serials with mega mothers doing the mega crying in mega style to get the mega audience glued. There were some dance shows, good quality singing and some comedy too. But let me tell you why I’m beginning to hate these shows:
1) There are too many to remember. Try googling for list of Indian reality television series and you would get over 60 shows only in Hindi. Imagine the rest… (Actually don’t… you’re wasting time!)
2) Stardom is what matters. Finding the best jury and special guests for each show is “THE” TRP factor and absolutely no attention on the performers.
3) All talk and no performance has me a dull boy. (heard this line somewhere?) The jury and the special guests have so much to talk that the entire performance is forgotten by the end of their so called “Advice”.
4) These anchors are now totally out of words. I’m so sure there is nothing else to replenish. The “masti” factor is getting “musty” now. After each performance he/she goes:
- “that was a power-packed performance” if it happens to be energetic, or
- “that was a great performance” if it happens to be decent enough, or
- “that was a nice performance” if it totally flops.
5) Heights of sadistic behavior! They make every participant cry and trust me; the camera man gets the best close up shots and not to forget the slow motion editing when the parent is around.
What’s the Gain factor for the media?
“Estimated gross audience viewership multiplied by the performers emotional imbalance is equal to lots of money!”
(Guess they are trying to get back to the mega serial mode!)
6) Talent factor of aam admi is gone and now the stars are themselves proving a point. What point? “We celebrities are bad performers and you can see us improve in this stage”. All old celebrities (Retired Hurt?) are back, trying to fit into the current pace.
7) How real is the reality living? I’m pretty sure there are no hidden cameras around you. With camera persons around, how “real” can you be? Thank God, the roadies and splitsvilla camera persons are well within the limits.
8) Baichung Bhutia, Mohinder Amarnath and Harbhajan Singh have hung their sports shoes. Being frank, the Indian ambassadors are bad with their dancing shoes. (How can I forget Harbhajan-Mona-Ravan-Sita controversy?)
Shocking and as “REAL” as it can get. NDTV Imagine is going to launch the “BAAP” of all reality shows called Rakhi Ka Swayamvar. (Sorry, then it should be the “babe” of all reality shows because it is Rakhi Sawant!) There would be auditions across the length and breath of the country and 15 men would be selected. The selected lot would be tested on grounds of skill, personality, fitness, talent and “Compatibility” with Rakhi Sawant and any guess as to what happens finally?
Rakhi Sawant would marry the Winner!!
Reality doesn’t bite anymore… It Stings!!!
Initially it was fun to watch these reality shows, not because they are interesting but a welcome deviation from the mega serials with mega mothers doing the mega crying in mega style to get the mega audience glued. There were some dance shows, good quality singing and some comedy too. But let me tell you why I’m beginning to hate these shows:
1) There are too many to remember. Try googling for list of Indian reality television series and you would get over 60 shows only in Hindi. Imagine the rest… (Actually don’t… you’re wasting time!)
2) Stardom is what matters. Finding the best jury and special guests for each show is “THE” TRP factor and absolutely no attention on the performers.
3) All talk and no performance has me a dull boy. (heard this line somewhere?) The jury and the special guests have so much to talk that the entire performance is forgotten by the end of their so called “Advice”.
4) These anchors are now totally out of words. I’m so sure there is nothing else to replenish. The “masti” factor is getting “musty” now. After each performance he/she goes:
- “that was a power-packed performance” if it happens to be energetic, or
- “that was a great performance” if it happens to be decent enough, or
- “that was a nice performance” if it totally flops.
5) Heights of sadistic behavior! They make every participant cry and trust me; the camera man gets the best close up shots and not to forget the slow motion editing when the parent is around.
What’s the Gain factor for the media?
“Estimated gross audience viewership multiplied by the performers emotional imbalance is equal to lots of money!”
(Guess they are trying to get back to the mega serial mode!)
6) Talent factor of aam admi is gone and now the stars are themselves proving a point. What point? “We celebrities are bad performers and you can see us improve in this stage”. All old celebrities (Retired Hurt?) are back, trying to fit into the current pace.
7) How real is the reality living? I’m pretty sure there are no hidden cameras around you. With camera persons around, how “real” can you be? Thank God, the roadies and splitsvilla camera persons are well within the limits.
8) Baichung Bhutia, Mohinder Amarnath and Harbhajan Singh have hung their sports shoes. Being frank, the Indian ambassadors are bad with their dancing shoes. (How can I forget Harbhajan-Mona-Ravan-Sita controversy?)
Shocking and as “REAL” as it can get. NDTV Imagine is going to launch the “BAAP” of all reality shows called Rakhi Ka Swayamvar. (Sorry, then it should be the “babe” of all reality shows because it is Rakhi Sawant!) There would be auditions across the length and breath of the country and 15 men would be selected. The selected lot would be tested on grounds of skill, personality, fitness, talent and “Compatibility” with Rakhi Sawant and any guess as to what happens finally?
Rakhi Sawant would marry the Winner!!
Reality doesn’t bite anymore… It Stings!!!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Nothing "Nano" about the Nano!!!
A promise is a promise! TATA’s focus on bringing the world’s cheapest car was right on target. Though the engine is beneath the rear seat, there’s no looking back. As a 71 year old bachelor, the soft spoken TATA said, “You really don’t want to wait too long for the car, because it is like waiting for a pretty woman, you wait for too long and she becomes fat and old,” as if he had experienced agony on love. (Maybe that’s why he isn’t married!!!).
Realizing a dream is what everybody talks about in every other meeting. But realizing a dream amidst immense political pressure is a “daytime-nightmare!!!” How would one ever come through all this to deliver something that India is now proud of? It’s not with the system that works around him but it’s in the person himself. Educated at Cornell University and at the Harvard Business School, TATA was sent to TATA steel at Jamshedpur, where he worked on the floor along with other employees, shoveling limestone and handling the blast furnaces. Many may see the technology involved, but the thought matters. “Thought is the root for technology.” The very idea conceptualized only after he wanted to bring a safe and cheap form of transport.
Now comes the big question. Is the “Aam Admi” going to be a “Calm Admi”?
1) Booking starts from April 4th and closes April 23rd
2) Initial Down payment is Rs. 2,999 ONLY!!
3) Only 1,00,000 cars rolling initially.
It’s time to rush… Guess what? The car delivery will be on a computerized lottery system and others might have to wait for atleast 12-18 months. WELCOME TO INDIA…!
With decent specifications and safety clearance, NANO is going to be a “car” and not a “four wheel auto-rickshaw”. I better get myself this huge, old model, sturdy truck. With more and more cars “hitting” the Indian roads, “hitting” each others would be inevitable!
Let the “Nano-Physics” (Vehicle) not destroy the “Nano-Chemisty” (polluting the atmosphere).
Realizing a dream is what everybody talks about in every other meeting. But realizing a dream amidst immense political pressure is a “daytime-nightmare!!!” How would one ever come through all this to deliver something that India is now proud of? It’s not with the system that works around him but it’s in the person himself. Educated at Cornell University and at the Harvard Business School, TATA was sent to TATA steel at Jamshedpur, where he worked on the floor along with other employees, shoveling limestone and handling the blast furnaces. Many may see the technology involved, but the thought matters. “Thought is the root for technology.” The very idea conceptualized only after he wanted to bring a safe and cheap form of transport.
Now comes the big question. Is the “Aam Admi” going to be a “Calm Admi”?
1) Booking starts from April 4th and closes April 23rd
2) Initial Down payment is Rs. 2,999 ONLY!!
3) Only 1,00,000 cars rolling initially.
It’s time to rush… Guess what? The car delivery will be on a computerized lottery system and others might have to wait for atleast 12-18 months. WELCOME TO INDIA…!
With decent specifications and safety clearance, NANO is going to be a “car” and not a “four wheel auto-rickshaw”. I better get myself this huge, old model, sturdy truck. With more and more cars “hitting” the Indian roads, “hitting” each others would be inevitable!
Let the “Nano-Physics” (Vehicle) not destroy the “Nano-Chemisty” (polluting the atmosphere).
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